Freezing Temperatures Drive Actuaries to Deeper Isolation

When it is this cold, this late in the year, people get grumpier.  They spend more time inside, which means they end up watching subpar TV programming.  They don’t get much fresh air, and studies show that large quantities of recycled air lead to increased crabbiness. They are forced to spend time with their families, which can make anyone crazy.  At least, that’s how the average person responds.

For actuaries, the effect is quite different.  They only interact with others because they feel compelled that they have to.  The cold weather gives them a convenient excuse to become hermits.  Actuaries, if you can ever interact with one, in contrast to the average person, are happier the longer it stays cold.  They can spend more time doing actuarial work, reading science fiction and solving Sudoku. If an actuary complains about the cold, it’s only because it’s not cold enough

Actuary Complains About Being Overpaid

“If I only made $100K” lamented an actuary recently.  Apparently, the idea of paying taxes, being able to afford going out to dinner, having a reliable vehicle, and living in a condo downtown is just too much of a burden.

“I miss those days as student, when my paycheck went to paying student loans and renting out that basement in uptown.  I actually had to think about budgeting then.”

To make matters worse, he was recently promoted and got a great PMP rating.

“It was a total nightmare.” He recalls. “I hate bonuses.”

He is trying to figure out what to do with so much cash. He’s tried buying a cabin up north, taking expensive vacations, and purchasing every gadget featured in the latest electronics store magazine. While his summer recreation is thoroughly pleasant, and he has acquired some sweet gear, something is just missing. Until he figures out what that is, he’s going to keep dealing with his unpleasant reality.

“Sometimes, you have to deal with what life hands you, whether you deserve it or not.”

Actuary Fined For Excessive Email Signature

Nobody disputes that actuarial credentials are hard earned and that a certain degree of pride is warranted. Yet, recently a local actuary had to defend his stream of letters when the company assessed a fine for the extra cost of data storage in email.

He had listed the following designations after his name: FSA, MAAA, CERA, CFA, CPA, BFF, WYSIWYG, LOL, ETC.

The company argued that on emails, only a first and last name is necessary, and occasionally a middle initial. For every email the actuary sends and gets a reply from, the company has to fork over the extra cost of storing those bytes of data. This, over time, can amount to hundreds of dollars.

Smart Phone Passes Exam P/1

A local actuarial student made a startling discovery after exiting the exam center during the most recent administration of Computer Based Testing.

"I was leaving the exam center and the proctor gave me two print outs, one for me, and one for my phone."

Actuary Unable To Do Basic Math Without Excel

“I never saw this coming.” An actuary, who will just be referred to as Mr. X, lamented.

He was planning to assist his 8-year-old granddaughter with her math homework.  The topic was division.  Mr. X had no idea how to do it.

The Zen of a Cluttered Desk - Opinion

There are two types of people in this world, those with surgically sterile cubicles and those that have cubicles that could pass for small landfills.  I’m writing on behalf of those of us who have the type of desk (or office if applicable) that would make our mothers cringe.

Actuary Discovers Hidden Code in Annuity Prospectus, Wins Lotto

A routine review of annuity product disclosers quickly became much more when an actuary stumbled upon a strange pattern of word and number combinations.

Actuaries Engineer Anti-Social Media

The proliferation of Facebook masks a simple truth.   Some people are and always will be anti-social.  It is against their nature to publish their lives, to paste their pictures on a virtual space, to describe their thoughts in 140 character snippets.

Most prominent among this crowd are actuaries.  In response to the social media, they have developed several new websites under the umbrella Anti-Social Media.

Party Like an Actuary - Opinion

In my last piece, I talked about how sex appeal is never the first thing that comes to mind when someone thinks of actuaries, when in reality it’s been there all along. The other thing that we tend to hide from the world is our propensity to throw excellent parties.

Actuaries Force Lumberjacks to Refresh Image

Actuaries came in number 1 in the CareerCast.com ranking of 200 jobs, snug right between a Software Engineer and an HR Manager.  Lumberjacks came in last.

In an effort to change their image, lumberjacks across the country have traded in their flannel shirts and beards for polos and clean shaves.

SOA Plans New Exam Track - Anything That Deals With Insurance

Recently the SOA released news that it would offer a General Insurance track.  While this in itself is groundbreaking news, it overshadows an even more aggressive agenda of expansion that’s in the works.

Sources close to the inner working of the society indicate an even broader track with the minimal requirement that it some way ‘deals with insurance’.  Candidates that successfully complete this track would get their DWI certificate.

Possible syllabus items include:

p         Animals and Insurance:  How to Pick a Mascot/Logo/Spokes-creature for your company

p         Things that start with i

p         Material from other professions (CPA, CFA, Medical Boards, JD)

p         Some semi-professional exams – Bartending Certification,  Class A Drivers Test , etc

Candidates will also have to demonstrate mastery of sports trivia, pop culture, the game of Monopoly, and select passages from the sacred texts of most world religions.

 There was some slight confusion over a connect-the-dots and color-by- number placemat from a local dining establishment.  It turned out that it wasn’t part of the proposed material, but was accidently placed there after the committee leader took his family out for Friday night dinner.

The SOA hopes to give out several hundred DWIs over the next few years.

Blue Book To Change Color

Driven by a combination of regulatory changes, updated technology, and Kermit the Frog’s Rainbow Connection, Ameriprise Financial leaders have proposed a radical change to annual reporting.

Currently they are evaluating a series of colors for the next few years, including daffodil yellow, sunny peach, hunter green, and cotton candy pink.                 

Sexy and We Know it -Opinion

Our occupation may not be as glamorous as a rock star, as heroic as a firefighter, or as honorable as a teacher, but don't tell me actuaries aren't sexy.

I’ll admit that we may never make a top ten list of sexiest careers, but the point I want to make is that the sex appeal for actuaries is at least greater than zero.

Actuarial Students Combat Diversions and Distraction

With exams a mere month away, every study hour is as crucial as it is tedious.

No one anticipated that summer would start three months early. 

For sports fans, March Madness is hard to ignore, the NBA and NHL are inching toward playoffs, and baseball’s season opener is close enough to taste.  (It tastes like hotdogs.)

For non-sports fans, various TV shows like Dancing With the Stars are just beginning and new movies, like The Hunger Games, are being released.

Additionally, there are holidays like Easter and St. Patrick’s Day which require certain celebrations. Furthermore, study time tends to lend itself to other neglected duties like house cleaning or car washing.

While students spend enormous amounts of energy staying focused and avoiding the said diversions, there is one other distraction that they thwart effortlessly – work

Scenario 242 Sucks

It is normal in the course of setting capital requirements and evaluating asset adequacy for actuaries to identify troubling scenarios.  The present value of the worst accumulated deficiency is a notorious reporting value.

What most actuaries don’t know is what exactly generates such poor performance.  Sure equities drop, or interest rates behave adversely, but there are other more troubling items that aren’t immediately apparent.  Take, for example, the most recent C3P2 results. 

It turns out that scenario 242 wreaks havoc on the annuity block.  But what is driving this?

Interest Rates Hit New Low – Now in Rehab

Last night, police were called to an alleyway behind the Federal Reserve. The US Yield Curve was found naked, unconscious, in possession of several hundred grams of cocaine, and numerous bottles of alcohol.

Spike in Actuarial Nerdiness Index

The Actuarial Nerdiness Index, or ANI, is at its highest level since 1999.

The index is a leading indicator of companies that employ actuaries.  Generally speaking, nerdiness drives happiness which drives productivity

Actuarial Horoscopes

Traditional horoscopes predict the future based on your zodiac sign. They tend to be fuzzy and generic and don’t say anything too useful.

BTS can do better. While still fuzzy and generic, we can at least let you know something useful, like your chance of death in a year. We’ve predicted your future based on the type of financial product/insurance that you purchase.

Actuarial Intern Writes Super Macro

A typical summer exercise took quite a turn for an actuarial intern who will remain anonymous.

The task was to create a tool that would consolidate output from thousands of scenarios into an easy to interpret summary sheet.

The intern searched Google for VBA language, and was soon closing in on the project’s objective. Then something curious happened.

Actuarial Promulgation on the Rise

According to recent observational evidence, there has been a recent spike in actuarial procreation.

Experts have several theories for possible causes, most notably high participation at “exam passing” happy hours.

There are mixed emotions among actuaries about this news.

The Athletic Actuary

 

The Athletic Actuary

By Nate Worrell 

Heart pounding, adrenaline pumping, dripping in sweat, working as hard as possible, trying to beat the clock...

• The above description could be for an athlete or an actuarial student taking exams. The parallels are numerous. As a collegiate athlete I ate, slept and breathed basketball. My schedule was built around gym time. When exam season comes around, study time becomes the gym. I find that the keys to success as a basketball player are directly applicable as an actuary and exam taker.